


Crossing the Threshold

by Cry_lo_Ren



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Dom/sub, Dominant Kylo Ren, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Kinda, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Light Dom/sub, Pilots, Secrets, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, and you can tell, flying away from the canon plot line because im too stupid to fit it in, i have no idea what im doing, im panicking in the tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:14:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24479299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cry_lo_Ren/pseuds/Cry_lo_Ren
Summary: You're KN-161, an elite Special Forces pilot in the First Order and leader of your own squad. After years, you have become settled and become confident in your abilities - until the Supreme Leader invites you to join his newly established personal elite squad. Will and can you live up to his expectations?
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 22
Kudos: 69





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> sorry the first chapter is a bit boring, just setting up the scene and such. pls don't hate it lol :)  
> it's been like 4 years and i've never written anything since. lmao. fuck. wish me luck.

Confidence, for you, was found in the dark mass of space. Amongst the stars, amongst the heated violence of a dogfight. You relished in it.  
Your squadron had been sent on a mission to squash some rather troublesome airborne rebels. This sort of skirmish was common, nothing particularly commendable or interesting. Nevertheless, they had to be dealt with.

  
A red laser blast flashed pass, scarcely missing the wing of your superiority fighter, causing you to wrench the controls with adrenaline-fuelled vigor. “That was kriffing close,” you growled as you maneuvered expertly away from the initial blast and positioned yourself behind its source. Three precise shots extinguished the resistance X-Wing.

  
Rushing forwards through the darkness of space, you shot at another starfighter that was launching a heavy assault on a member of your squadron who has been separated from your formation. Once annihilating it, you led the squad on a harsh offensive. The band of resistance fighters suffered heavy destruction, leaving only a few stragglers seemingly trapped between the decision of a full retreat or a desperate struggle. They seemed to choose the latter as they blasted randomly towards you and your oncoming squadron.

  
You clicked your tongue in a faux sympathetic way. There was no doubt that this was a feeble heroic attempt, brave but stupid and wasteful. Without another thought, you gave the command for the destruction of the stragglers. Hanging back, you watched as they were overwhelmed and exploded into shrapnel.  
Their deaths meaningless, they had made no impact on the world, on the First Order, on their cause. Nothing. You curled your lip a little in disdain.

  
“Threat neutralized, sir,” you spoke through the comms.

  
“Excellent KN-161, report back to base immediately.”

  
The return flight to the Finalizer was brief and it was not long before you were docking your fighter along with your crew in your designated hangar. Away from battle, you were softer. Away from battle, you had nothing to prove. Fingers lingered upon the side of your TIE/sf fondly, giving it a once over. Although it was technically First Order property, the vehicle was your most prized possessions. It was lightly customized to your personal preferences, slight changes to the weapons systems to make them more effective and such. Customization was a luxury you had, being an elite Special Forces pilot and squad leader.

  
A voice called out, “KN, stop canoodling your ship and get down here!”. VX-1861 (or Vex, as he was nicknamed quite fittingly) was probably the most incessant and certainly the loudest member of your squad. He liked to think that his behavior was endearing and charming. It most certainly wasn't. Well, maybe a little. The bastard certainly grew on you over the years you had shared. His unruly taupe hair swayed as he flourished a wave.

  
“Is that any way to speak to your superior, Vex?” You hummed, scaling down a ladder to reach the floor. You were more awkward on land, stiff from sitting.

  
“Oh, lighten up,” he huffed, turning away from you slightly and pursing his lips slightly, “we’re friends, so I can speak to you as informally as I like.”

  
“Absolutely not.”

  
“Huh, you never had a problem with me speaking to you informa-,”

  
“I was referring to the first part, we are _absolutely_ not friends. I don’t care about the way you speak.”

  
He spluttered, opening his mouth, and closing it like a fish on land before you clipped him over the head.

  
“Lighten up,” you smirked at him from behind your helmet, “you’re too easy to offend, and put your damned helmet back on.”

  
The only reply he managed was a _tssk_ before he complied and the rest of the squad members gathered around Vex, and in front of you. You were in charge of eight – all talented and gifted pilots. Letting your gaze rake over them to make sure they were all gathered, you cleared your throat and put yourself in squad leader mode by straightening you back slightly.

  
“Good work everyone, yet another successful mission,” you spoke with a stern edge that was still audible through the moderator in your helmet, “EV-2308, try not to break formation next time, watch your back more. I do not want your mistakes to distract us from our missions any longer.”

  
You glanced at the others, considering for a moment whether to dismiss them. However, just as you parted your lips to command them, the hangar doors opened – your lips jammed shut as you turned around to face the sudden visitor. What you were expecting was a lieutenant or maybe even the icy-eyed general if the situation was dire enough.

  
But it was neither of those options. Certainly not. Instinctively, you stiffen, muscles achingly tense – almost painful. The air seemed to physically thicken, instantly become dense and palpable. It was suffocating.

  
The Supreme Leader himself was stood in the doorway, his stance squared and confident amongst thick black robes. His presence was charged, exhilarating. You swallowed thickly, barely able to lift your head to meet the black visor of his helmet. There were very few physical things you were anxious about, and while you had immense respect for Kylo Ren, he definitely took up the number one spot on that small list. Blanking out slightly, you hardly noticed his approach.

  
You blinked, snapping yourself out of your anxious haze. You bowed your head, “Supreme Lea-”

  
“Everyone out.” He commanded, voice deep and unhuman with the voice moderation.

  
Immediately, your squadron began filtering out and you made your way to join them, unsure of what the Supreme Leader could possibly want with a hangar, however, he held an arm outstretched in front of you to prevent you from passing him. His head tilted down to face yours before speaking, “not you, however.”

_Oh._

  
His hand dropped and you shuffled backward. A pang of fear surged through you, ice-cold and relentless. Surely you hadn’t done anything wrong. _Right?_ Your hands fidgeted at your sides as you reluctantly watched Vex and the others filter out safely. The silence continued between the pair of you, your gaze meeting the dark metal flooring. Still, the silence lingered. Time seemed to move even slower, to the point where it was excruciatingly awkward. You couldn’t bear it any longer.

  
“Sir?”

  
Your voice was a whisper and you hated yourself for sounding so weak. There were a few moments of silence before he replied to your prompting.

  
“I have been watching you, KN-161,” he stated, “your skills as a pilot are…” there was a paused while he gathered the correct word to use, “commendable.”

  
Air caught in your lungs, hitching your breath – your cheeks reddening. Was that a compliment? You weren’t often receiving them, despite your skillset. Your mind stuttered and spluttered like a failing engine before you caught yourself. “Thank you, sir,” you managed, voice stronger with the relief that he hadn’t accused you of some sort of treason and gutted you on the spot.

  
“I am putting together a personal elite squadron,” the imposing man explained, “you have been selected to be a member. You begin tomorrow, a practice run with the other selected member. 0600, hangar 12-C.” With that final flood of information, he stepped away from you and with one last abrasive look, he turned and vanished through the doors in a whirl of black.

  
What? What just happened? In a state of stress, you pulled off your black helmet, tucked it under your arm, and ran the flat of your palm over your forehead. _FUCK_. Fuck, fuck, fuck. _Oh, Father, Son, and Daughter_. You were aware of Ren’s formidable piloting abilities. They were what made you respect him so much. Flying alongside him should be an honor but part of you could never fight the self-doubt that, after some appraisal, he would decide you weren’t good enough. You were so confident in the sky but on the ground you were vulnerable and you loathed the feeling. 

  
You clenched your fists until your nails dug harshly into the material of your bodysuit. _Get yourself together_ , you reprimanded yourself, _we can dwell on our problems in glorious privacy_. You placed your helmet over your head again - forcing the tension to leave your body and to settle into something that resembled your normal posture before sweeping from the room also.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slithers of KN's past. A second encounter with Kylo Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh yeaaa, now we're getting a bit more interesting! i hope i didn't make any big boo boos writing this while sleep-deprived lol

You reached your quarters in record speed, sealing the sturdy doors. If someone looked at your quarters, they would likely come to two conclusions. The first being that you had no respect for order – which wasn’t true, it was just that you believed that there was a time and place for it. In all honesty, you couldn’t care less where you put something as long as you could find it again. No matter how long that would take. The second conclusion would be that you were definitely not an interior decorator. Unnecessary items generally were frowned upon in the First Order, function over form, and such. You had long become used to the drabness of your quarters and did little to change it, simply because you couldn’t really be bothered.

You sat heavily on your bed, scooping under the mattress to find your only truly personal object; a thin, yet intricate aurodium ring. It looked like a tiny, intricate plait design and was incrusted with a small, fiery corusca gem. It was also your only reminder of home and the person you were before coming to the First Order – and you despised it. If it wasn’t for the value, and the useful properties that a corusca gem had, you would have dropped it into the deepest of seas. Your past would likely die with you, and you didn’t mind one bit.

Spinning and rolling the ring between your forefinger and thumb, you let out a sigh. Allowing yourself to forget the past, you instead focused on the future. You conjured multiple thoughts. Breaking the news to Vex would be interesting – he’d likely harass you about your new-found position. At that moment, you made the decision to let him find out by himself. A bit cruel, but it would save you some earache. Furthermore, you were worried about who would be your successor, would your squad suffer without your leadership? Smiling, you suggested to yourself that that wasn’t very likely, and they’d succeed under anyone.

Tucking the ring back under your mattress, you leaned backward, lying limp on the bed. Tomorrow. 0600. The idea of you being a disappointment crushed you. There was no true reason for your doubts, you were an elite pilot and you’d worked hard for it. Failing at the only thing you truly cared about wasn’t an option for you.

Standing abruptly and peeling off your skin-tight bodysuit, you headed towards the refresher. The water was cold, but you didn’t flinch away.

_‘I have been watching you, KN-161.’_

Remembering those words caused your heart to leap. Had he really been watching you? If he had, then you hadn’t noticed. Groaning, you pressed your forehead against the black tile walls. Sudden change _never_ agreed with you.

You turned off the stream of water, dried yourself swiftly, before pulling on your regulation off-duty clothing. All black, naturally.

Flopping unceremoniously onto your bed, you squeezed the bridge of your nose before reaching to the side to pick up the datapad sitting atop a small bedside storage unit. The time read 2300. Being a pilot usually meant that time was meaningless to you – prepared to be sent out at any time of the standard day. You simply slept whenever you had time but on this new occasion, you had a designated time to meet. Sleep would be beneficial; with luck, you could cram in 5 hours of sleep to boost your energy and freshen your mind. Luck was not on your side.

There were very few places that you could escape on the Finalizer. Yes, your quarters were fine enough – but they were dark, windowless, and made your skin itch with claustrophobia. The mess hall, normally bustling with life was too eerie in the later hours – so that wasn’t an option either. There was one place, almost a 15-minute walk from your quarters – a rare slice of solitude tucked away from the hum of the Finalizer’s constant functioning, right at the very surface of the ship. You’d wondered at times why so few people graced an area so sublime. Perhaps because it was restricted to higher-ranking members, in which many of said people were likely too busy to visit. Glass walls stretched high and smooth, covering a large proportion of the ceiling. From there, you could view the endless expanse of stars – constellations veering forever into the distance. Abruptly, you hauled yourself up.

Your legs and memory guided you, the endless loop of frustrations and anxieties continued to loop through your mind – it was relentless. For the umpteenth time, you forcibly reeled from the constant inner dialogue. Placing a hand on the scanner, and with a beep, the doors opened.

Glancing in, you let out a relieved exhale upon noticing the room was empty. Your eyes gravitated to the stars that burnt in the darkness, tiny and insignificant on their own but great in their expanse. A quaint smile slid over your face, traveling forwards until your palm could press against the pleasant chill of the glass - your steady breaths misting it slightly with each puff. Calmness washed over you in caressing waves, willing you to close your eyes. The act was like nature, reaching out to the stars and embracing your place amongst them. You imagined your presence vanishing slowly, peeling yourself from reality. Upon opening your eyes, you were met with the obscurity of the galaxy – no longer separated from the stars by the glass. No, you were amongst them, floating through the tremendous abyss. This action was your escapism – whenever you felt overwhelmed you just imagined being elsewhere, with no responsibilities or purpose.

You’d done this as a child. The childhood you had was strained and fleeting – disrupted by expectations and duties, it required too much of you. So, your mind escaped. You had been too young for the pressure and you were destined to break and vanish into the stars. In a way, you had vanished into the stars. Into the stars and into the arms of the First Order. Breathing out, the tension left you. That was the tell-tale hint that you weren’t truly in space – and thank the Force for that. You truly didn’t appreciate the effect of the vacuum of space on an unprotected human body – suffocating and freezing to death. It was far from ideal.

An abrupt hissing of hydraulic doors brought into reality, gasping and heaving – you had pulled away from your mind too quickly in fright. Immediately, you turned around on the spot and felt your heart drop into your stomach.

This was the second time today that you had been caught completely off guard by the man standing in front of you. His helmet was tilted to the side, suggesting that he too was surprised – an unusual thing for the Supreme Leader. A crackle emitted from his mask, his torso expanding slightly. It was as if he was just on the verge of saying something, however, in a blink he had returned to normal and left the pair of you simmering in silence.

You glanced at him, mouth slightly open, clearly debating whether to speak or not. _One of us fucking say something right now or smite me down now_ , your mind screamed as the awkwardness grew.

“Loth-cat got your tongue?” Kylo Ren mused with a notion of amusement in his voice.

A flush of heat rose through your cheeks in embarrassment, opening and closing your mouth like a fish out of water. “Apologies, sir, I-I was just leaving!” You exclaimed lamely, ripping your hand away from the glass and making a beeline for the exit, hoping to just slip past Ren’s towering frame. Before you even get past him, you found yourself immobile. Struggling, you desperately attempted to shift your limbs, but they remained frozen, held down by an invisible force. Exasperated, you looked towards the imposing figure of Kylo Ren with a look of indignation.

“No. Stay.” Ren brushed past you to take your previous place by the glass. A jolt of his head beckoned you to join him as you were finally released from his hold.

Stumbling a little on your release, you felt confusion slide over you. Today was the first time he had even acknowledged you personally, and now he was inviting you to stand beside him. Heaviness filled your legs as you made your way toward the Knight. Halting beside him, your gaze wandered to your shoes – which suddenly seemed _very_ interesting indeed – anything to avoid making eye contact. You hadn’t noticed the silver of his mask tilt toward you.

“You are nervous. Afraid.” He stated emotionlessly, his hands clasping behind his back but continued to watch you, prepared to analyze your response.

You resisted the urge to scoff in his face while you mentally listed everything out. _I’m casually standing next to Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order, master of the Knights of Ren and the Jedi Killer as if I do this every kriffing day of the week after he suddenly burst into my life, flipped it upside down and possibly gave me the biggest promotion of my kriffing life. I’m doubting myself like never before, I have to leave behind my squad who are possibly my only friends in the entire gala-_

“I see,” Kylo hummed, watching as you gaped at him with narrowed eyes of confusion. This earned a muffled static noise which could possibly have been a laugh. Or was it a scoff at your insolence. “Your thoughts. They’re very loud.” He explained with a half shrug.

 _Fuck_. “I didn’t mean to be, sir,” you offered honestly, before pausing to mull over a question, “are all people this loud?”

“No.” His reply was short, blunt but laced with concealed intrigue. The man seemed to consider something before speaking again, “you’re the loudest I’ve heard.” He uttered something else out which sounded suspiciously like ‘projecting’.

“I hope I won’t be too much of a distraction when we work together then,” you joked before you could catch yourself speaking so casually. You looked towards him with wide and started eyes.

He peered into your eyes through the inky darkness of his visor, a silence fell between the pair of you once more. In a swift motion, he grasped your chin with one hand and moved his face close. _A bit too close_. His modulated breaths were audible. You stifled a loud gulp and let out a ragged breath. Your proximity to him was intoxicating, part of you begged for more and it took all you had to swallow it down. _Fuckkk._

A beat passed.

“I think you might be.” He replied slowly, his voice lower than before. Kylo straightened up to his full height once more before slowly moving to leave. Just as he reached the exit, he paused, turning to you deep in thought.

“Before I entered, I couldn’t feel your presence.”

Then, he simply swept out with the usual flurry of black robes – leaving you breathless, confused and undeniably a little turned on. Pressing your hands over eyes in an attempt to process the events that had just unfolded – this proved to be a difficulty as one thought consumed you.

_You wanted more._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bad night's sleep and practice begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woww i do be taking ages to update.   
> i have no consistent update schedule. the sun is bright. the sky is blue. water is wet. 
> 
> you get it lol <3

You hardly slept that night.

The moments of consciousness, in all honesty, were rather rudely interrupted by flashbacks of a certain dark figure. The moments of unconsciousness were similarly interrupted by the same figure - however, you didn’t see flashbacks of prior events but new scenarios.

_He stood before you, glorious in his form of taut muscles shifting with each movement. Mightly leather-clad hands skimming the outsides of your thighs, lingering, as he pressed his body against yours. The touch of his hands was soft on your skin, raising gooseflesh in their wake. His face was shrouded in darkness, concealed in anonymity. Your hand reached out to touch, delicate fingers brushing down from his sternum. Down, down, down until you reached the stiffness of his –_

Stifling a frustrated groan, you pressed the heel of your palms into your eye sockets as if the action would help block out that damned dream. You were unsatisfied – both in terms of lack of sleep and in a more _intimate_ way. The practice run was to begin in the next hour and you severely doubted that you could ever even look in the direction of the Supreme Leader again after dreaming up such filth. In addition to this concern, you were also doubting your skills in your poor condition. Either way, you had to push away this fear and persevere. There was no way in Malachor that you were going to fuck up this opportunity.

The act of getting prepared helped to kick you into gear, shifting you into a more serious and determined mindset. Concerns and fears were swallowed down, pushed deep into an abyss – at least for the moment. You wiggling into the tightness of your black bodysuit before hauling on your armoring. You double-checked the internal life support system before connecting the tube running from the chest armor to the front of your helmet. After slicking your hair back into a low chignon bun, you tucked the helmet under your arm and left your quarters.

Your journey to the mess hall was carefully calculated – carefully avoiding the usual spots that Vex would ambush and join you. No way in hell were you dealing with him right now, especially with the new circumstances that you were determined to keep him from. Until he found out on his own, anyway. Avoidance was always the best way to avoid awkward conversations. Maybe not the most morally correct, but it sure was easier.

You stalked through the deep bowels of the ship, stealthily weaving through the quieter and less-traveled corridors. It looked a bit strange, perhaps suspicious but you only wanted to eat without being questioned to death.

It took some time, but at last, you made it. Thankfully, the room was quiet, there were only a few scattered early-morning officers sat on tables while shoveling down whatever foul slop the First Order was providing this fine morning. You had little enthusiasm to find out.

You ended up finding out. The food (if you could call it that) today appeared to be a crude mockery of some sort of meat – featuring a side of an ugly species of vegetation. _How dire._ Receiving the ‘food’, you sat on one of the many empty benched – aggressively hurling it down with a pace so fast that you _almost_ couldn’t taste it.

A thunder of heavy footsteps distracted you from your grueling task as your head jolted up to look around – alert and aware.

_Ah, fuck._

Vex was stomping towards you with a solid mix of exuberance and confused fury – an unlikely mixture of emotions but you were unsurprised. He was still in casualwear, waving a datapad in his left hand while pointing at the screen with the other.

“KN!” Vex hollered at you, throwing the datapad onto the table, looking at you with exasperated eyes, “kriffing explain this, right now!”

Several tired faces turned curiously to peer at the both of you – intrigued at the shouting and chaos.

You pinched the bridge of your nose, eyes closing in desperation to find the will to live before picking up the datapad after the many faces turned away, bored of the lack of commotion. What you read caused your eyebrows to raised high on your face – eyes stretched wide. It seemed that with you absent as squad leader, Vex was to take your place. A smile snuck onto your face. Vex was indeed one of the most irritating life forms in the galaxy, however, he was your friend after all, and you were proud of him.

“Squad leader, huh? Congrats, Vex,” you stretched across the table to clap him on the shoulder, ignoring his still-exasperated expression, “you deserve it.”

“I don’t give a shit about the promotion, KN,” his hands slammed against the table in frustration at you dodging his meaning, “what about _you_!?”. His voice suddenly went hush but was still vigorous in persistence, “you’re not being _executed,_ are you? Is that why the Supreme Leader visited the hangar yesterday? Are you okay? Why aren’t you squad leader anymore? Why have you left-”

You cut him off with a lifted hand and a face strained with irritation. Gesturing towards him, you motioned for him to sit down. In seconds you saw him reopen his mouth to begin grilling you with more questions and you felt your inside coil with vicious frustration – writhing like snakes in the pit of your stomach and the pride, the happiness you felt for him was sapped in mere seconds. “Enough.” You snapped, firm enough to get him to stop whatever sentence that he was forming in his mind, “if you really _must_ know, I was requested to join the Supreme Leader’s squad. It wasn’t something I was expecting, and it is the biggest fucking opportunity I will ever get here. I didn’t want to leave the squad behind, but my invitation wasn’t a request as such – more of a command. Don’t get me wrong, Vex, I’m not being forced into this position. I would’ve said yes anyway.”

Vex’s face scrunched a little, as if in thought – attempting to conjure up anything to fill in the tense silence that had settled between the pair of you. The pressure and stillness were profound, even amongst the calm chatter of the early morning officers, and it was only a matter of time before someone popped its bubble.

“Since when did the Supreme Leader have his own squadron? Always thought he was more of the lone wolf type, too superior for the likes of us, y’know.”

 _Ah, there it was._ The tension evaporated quickly, filtering from the room. You let yourself breathe.

“It’s a very new situation,” you explained slowly, fingers drumming lightly on the table, “hell, it might not even last long if I manage to fuck it up.”

Speaking of that, you glanced at Vex’s datapad which was still lying in the middle of the table. The time read 0554.

In a flighty, jittery movement you jerked into a standing position, “fuck, I’ve really got to go – I’ll talk to you later, maybe. If I see you.”

You had left your tray in the hurry – along with a stunned Vex and you hoped that he would find the kindness in his heart to clean up for you, even if you had just lashed out at him. Your footfalls were quick, advancing through the network of corridors in the quickest walking pace you could manage without breaking into a desperate run.

The hangar wasn’t too far now, you could see the large, dull grey doors in your line of vision. With a burst of both bravery and energy, you rushed forwards and the doors opened for you with the typical hydraulic hiss. From what you could observe, the Supreme Leader hadn't arrived yet. The hangar was a little nicer than your previous station - sharp-looking and had a strong, definitive sense of prowess. The walls appeared darker, sleeker in their metallic shine, and the floor equally so. You perked up, seeing that your TIE/sf had already been tethered and stationed in place.

Two others stood idly chatting amongst themselves. Both were men and that didn't surprise you at all. First Order staff were predominantly male, especially in terms of troopers and pilots. On a frequent basis, you had seen yourself underestimated because of this but you used that as fuel. Fuel to surpass and overcome each and every person who had put you down. It was a rather successful way of doing things, in all honesty. 

One of the men had his back to you but angled his face around to seek you out. He looked youthful, unmarried, and hair that was dark and crew-cut. His eyes a warm milky brown - almost golden or amber, the kind of color that made you wonder what it looked like refracted in the sun. Those eyes contrasted brilliantly with his deep mocha skin and his collected expression. The second man, the one that faced you had deep-set eyes, accentuated by heavy furrowed brows. The man appeared older, slight signs of wrinkles around his eyes. Unlike the warm eyes of the first man, his were a cold steel grey and they matched his hard-set features, rigid and strict. He reminded you of an older, long lost version of General Hux. 

With a deep inhale, you made your way towards them in purposeful strides, head held high. Now both men were facing you. 

You gave a slight nod of acknowledgment, extending your hand to one of the men, "KN-161." You kept your introduction extremely brief, waiting for their names in response. 

The golden-eyed man clasped your hand firmly with his, "Hey, I'm QI-3164." His voice was crisp, cool, and satisfying - like the crunch of snow under footsteps. You gave a smile in reply, slight and curled. 

Turning to the older man, you did the same. He shook your hand with military strength and precision. "Varick Baas." His voice was professional and unwavering - not like snow but the cold arctic wind.

Two voices came into earshot - from what you could hear, they were in a rather aggressive shouting match. To your joy, this distracted the three of you from forcing any uncomfortable small talk as ears strained to listen in. They were undoubtedly coming closer, getting louder with each second passing. One of the voices was deep and static, inducing you to press your knees together in provocation. _Fucking hell._ Why were you feeling all this for a damned voice - a faux voice at that. Either way, it gave you a definite answer on who one of those voices belonged to. 

The other voice was refined but vicious and biting like a viper. Oh, you knew who that was. General Hux. Now, you had heard of the two men's cruel games, jibes, and bickerings but you had never had the chance to witness it. People would probably stand and gawk at them more often if the pair of them weren't so deadly. Kylo Ren would likely use his mystical Force powers and the General would probably get someone else to do his dirty work - but the result would probably be the same. _Just like he did with his father._ It was thoroughly rumored that Hux had his father killed, by Captain Phasma no less. Then again, Ren had also caused his father an untimely end. Perhaps patricide was going to become part of the First Order's initiation program sometime soon. 

By now they were just outside the hatch - each sentence they spoke becoming shorter, blunter. Their argument ceased at a malicious ' _get out of my sight_ ' from Ren and a beat passed before the door opened. The Supreme Leader entered, laden in layers of blackened robes, his large hands curled into tight fists - the aftermath of his uproar. The sight of his knuckles strained against the leather of his gloves caused you to swallow painfully.

_Great big hands cascading with unusual gentleness down your thighs, making their way between them and-_

No. You had to stop your mind from wandering further to your filthy, obscene dream. Too busy trying to shake your mind from its current thoughts you hadn't noticed the visor of his helmet jolt in your direction until you raised your head and glanced towards the towering man. Within a second your face was burning with embarrassment as he gawked at you. Perhaps it wasn't noticeable to the others, but you knew he was staring. Oh fuck, you had forgotten that he could hear you so clearly - that he had likely heard you recalling your lewd dream. Great start, pat on the back.

Sheepishly, you turned your head away from his pressing regard. 

He spoke up, "I imagine you all know why you are here," Kylo stood to his full height, imposing and impressive, "get to your fighters." 

You had expected a little more than that, a bit more of an embellished speech that nourished us with information on what we were being gathered for. You were vastly mistaken. 

Clambering up, you reached your docked fighter and entered it, waiting for the Supreme Leaders command to bring the ship to an active state. At last, he did. You switched various switches, pressed buttons - giving vitals a once over as usual without a single look. The action was natural, like breathing to you. The ship hummed as it came alive and undocked yourself as Ren exited into space in his Silencer. The TIE Silence was an impressive ship, more than double the length of yours - with superior speed and customization. You admired the design of a TIE/vn and it's smooth handling, deep down you had always wanted one, but alas, even a squad leader wasn't deemed elite enough to own one. The things were mighty expensive too, you shuddered to think about how many credits they cost. 

Maybe this position will deem you worthy. A smirk found its way onto your lips as you pressed the gears forwards, determined to be the first one after the Supreme Leader to exit. You were. 

Breaching the dark expanse of space you relaxed. Here, you were in your element - and you were hell-bent-on proving your worth.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You practice and you share some words with the Supreme Leader.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahaha hopefully this will be the last boring-ish chapter of this. i'm planning to pick it up a lot. me?? with a plan?? un-fucking-believable. 
> 
> also  
> ty to anyone who is reading this, it means a lot lol <3

The practice run was short, consisting of both basic and complex maneuvers that you completed with ease. It was easy work, to be honest – mainly because you weren’t being shot at by enemy ships.

You even surprised yourself with your performance, fluidly moving amongst the others – sometimes adding a little flair to the movements to showcase your abilities and skill. It wasn’t a matter of showing off, but a matter of proving your worth.

So, after touching down in the hangar with the others, you had to admit you were proud of yourself. Legs were wobbly beneath you, shaking with the decline of anxiety and adrenaline. Even your hands shook a little as you shut down the life support on the chest plate, breathing the stale recycled air of the Finalizer – there wasn’t much of a difference. Actually, there was no difference. The air was hot, stuffy, and suffocating under your helmet. Taking it off after a mission gave the same satisfying feeling as removing your bra – you couldn’t fucking wait. It was a wonder how Kylo Ren managed – constantly masked. You imagined that not many people had seen his face and that little voice in your head purred that you _wished_ you could be in that select few.

Shuddering at that thought you wondered what had gotten into you. The few interactions that you had shared with him surely weren’t enough to rile you up this much.

You moved to the middle of the cold, metallic floor of the hangar – standing at attention between the two others for the Supreme Leader, back straight and eyes staring straight ahead.

Ren made his way over, powerful in his heavy-footed strides. He gave a long look over the three of you, the visor of his helmet scanning with intensity. It was at this point that he began analyzing the practice run, starting his critique on performances and skill – it seemed that his attention to detail was immaculate. The Supreme Leaders' knowledge of piloting was extremely advanced. His reputation preceded him.

QI-3164 was criticized on his jolty steering, along with his lack of judgment. Personally, you thought that the steering was bad at all – but you did have to agree with the judgment issue. The man seemed to struggle with moving as a group, unable to judge team member’s possible future movements, therefore struggled to remain in formation. Perhaps he was a squad leader like you were. Too used to leading the squad rather than following a leader. However, Ren reluctantly commended the man on his edge and his ability to tune out anxieties. Lucky him.

The Supreme Leader dismissed QI with a curt word and a flick of his wrist. His eyes then raked over you, standing in the middle. You braced yourself for the criticism that was about to spout out of his mouth, however, he said nothing. _Just completely fucking ignored you_. Instead, Ren started talking to the older man on your right, Varick Baas.

You were beyond glad that you still had your helmet on, otherwise everyone would have seen your surprise, astounded look of disbelief. The disbelief of being overlooked was strong. Embarrassment washed over you too – you had been overlooked in front of your peers, a bad sign.

Ren droned on about Baas’ skill set, criticizing him on a few minute errors. Hell, you were hardly paying attention. Right now, you were panicking a little. Did you mess up? Were you not good enough?

Metallic clicks of the older man’s feet on the ground as he was leaving snapped you back into reality.

It was just you and the Supreme Leader now. Even after that unusual occurrence in the observatory you still felt strong unease. There was a lump in your throat that wouldn’t disappear no matter how many times you attempted to swallow it down. Fear trickled down your spine – cold as the vacuum of space.

You slowly raised your head to meet the visor of Kylo Ren, waiting for him to speak.

“I knew you were going to be like this,” the crackle of his voice strangely pleasant to your ears, “a distraction.”

Unsure of what to say, you remained silent and simply looked at him.

He continued, watching you, “don’t think I didn’t hear you when I came in, those thoughts in your mind,” Ren’s voice was lower now and rumbling, “and how you flew today. Showing off, so _desperate_ to prove yourself to me.”

A smirk was clear in his tone, a slight smugness. Kylo Ren was truly an enigma; complex and difficult to understand. The things he was saying, the way he was behaving – it was confusing and addicting at the same time. Such conflicting emotions washing over you simultaneously. You couldn’t help but love the feeling that hummed in the bottom of your stomach, nervous and alive.

Yet you still remained quiet, still just gazing at him with a shaking breath shuddering from your lungs. The fact he could hear you, aware of every intent and thought you had towards him, it was a blessing and a curse.

He moved towards you in one long stride, closing the distance in graceful haste.

A small noise came from the back of your throat. A nervous whine or whimper of some sort. It was clearly audible, even through your thick helmet as the Supreme Leader gave a small, mock-sympathetic chuckle. You cringed a little in embarrassment, the way you sounded; so pathetically fearful and needy.

“Poor thing,” he was so close that you could see his chest rise and fall in steady breaths – he usually seemed so still, “take your helmet off. Now.”

“Then you should do the same, sir.” You had no idea where this sudden surge of bravery came from, but you regretted it the instant that those words slipped from your traitorous mouth. _Oh for fuck's sake, you stupid bitch._

“Such courage,” Ren mused with a mocking tone, “but I believe that I give the orders here.”

You realized that you still hadn’t removed your helmet and reached up quickly to obey with shaking hands. The release from the humidity inside the helmet was great – but sweat from the heat had caused strands of hair to stick unflatteringly to your face, your bun was messed up. Helmet hair to the extreme. _You wondered if the Supreme Leader got helmet head._ Your voice stuttered slightly, “I apologize, Supreme Leader, I-I’m not sure why I said that. I shouldn’t have said…” you trailed off at the end, looking away from him.

“Enough.” He was firm and commanding in his tone. Behind the helmet he was observing you with meticulous detail – the way your hair stuck, the way your eyes avoided him, the cracked lines on your lips, the flush of your cheeks.

Minutes passed by, just in silence. Staring at one another. It was the kind of silence that heavy and thoughtful – two people figuring out one another through pure analysis. This sort of thing was difficult; Kylo Ren rarely showed much of his outwards appearance, never mind what was within and you were full of secrets, carefully hidden. Both so impassive.

It was he who broke the delicate silence.

“You are so loud with your thoughts, yet the secrets you hold are so quiet and hidden.”

The words he spoke almost caused you to reel back a little, but you stood still. “I have no idea what you mean, sir.” You kept your words simple.

The man hummed through his mask, a low crackling noise of disbelief. “I will find them out, eventually,” Ren’s voice purred, velveteen and smooth, “you will show me everything.”

You didn’t trust yourself to say anything now. Those words should’ve sounded like a threat, but for some reason, they did not; they sounded inquisitive. In those words was an assurance that he was not going to take those secrets by force, or quite literally, the Force. But instead, he would entice them out from you over time.

The words were a promise. A promise that he was going to get to know you better.

“You are dismissed.”

“Ah, sir, b-but what about my critique-” you began, a little self-conscious over your performance. You had thought you had done well, but you needed him to say so. Or say something.

“You did fine,” Ren confirmed, his voice was gruff with impatience, “dismissed.” He pointed at the door. Reeling a little from the sudden change of his personality, you dipped your head in a respectful bow before darting towards the door.

With each step you took, you could feel the gaze of his eyes burn into the back of your head.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yahhhh we're divulging into the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okk i keep falling asleep between bouts of writing so i always forget what the hell I've written so hopefully it isn't too jarringly obvious
> 
> i tried lol
> 
> ty to whoever is reading this with their own eyeballs! you're doing great!   
> 

Was this the game he was going to play then? Was this why he behaved unusually towards you; in a way that felt so _intimate_? Was it all just a ploy to encourage you to divulge the secrets you kept so hidden?

You were now back in your room, sitting uneasily on the edge of your bed – rabidly bouncing one leg in a fret. Most of the time, the idea of traveling in space calmed you. The endless abyss of nothing surrounding you like a dusky, ebony blanket sewn with only the most precious and bright gemstones. Now it was choking you.

It irked you that you were so worked up. You sank your teeth into the flesh of your thumb, clamping down with a strength that didn’t quite break the skin but left deep imprints in your teeth’s wake. _Let bygones be bygones._ The phrase that you used to use so much made you scoff now. Your past was impossible to forget, especially now, with the most feared man in the galaxy hounding after those memories, and you didn’t even know why. Perhaps just to feed his curiosity – or maybe something darker. You couldn’t decide which.

Your past was not particularly scandalous, at least in your opinion, but fear lingered and persevered. What if the Supreme Leader found out? What if he forced you to return? Returning was not an option.

You had grown up on a planet located within the Core Worlds named J’t’p’tan. Many of your years were spent learning the planet's history of the Yevetha’s ‘Great Purge’, the Fallanassi, and the H’kig. J’t’p’tan had slipped into secrecy, ungoverned and uncontrolled, however, some human settlers began structuring a hierarchy that rapidly grew into a kingdom. The H’kig were a mixed species (although mainly consisting of Galandans) religious sect and preferred living more modestly, therefore kept themselves away and did not involve themselves. The rulers allowed this, and they remained untouched, permitted to build their temples. It just so happened that you were one of the princesses.

The youngest child of four, there was no chance of you ever claiming the throne. The kingdom also happened to be a patriarchy, so that made your claim to the throne even less than nothing. Especially since your older siblings were all males.

Your oldest brother was named Marduk, dark-eyed, and merciless, he was strong, fierce and you used to be terrified of him. Second in line was Okeanos, he was probably the friendliest out of your three brothers – the only one who ever really talked to you. His hair was oak-brown and fell in soft ringlets, his eyes were black as coal but glinted with gentleness. Even so, it was hard to even say you were close to him because, in all honesty, you simply weren’t. Your third and youngest brother was the bane of your existence: Iodocus. He was a cruel, steely-eyed boy with thin lips that twisted into a constant jeer. His head of wavy chestnut brown hair and childish freckles gave him the appearance of innocence, but you knew better. Iodocus was always sharp with his tongue, constantly belittling or mocking, and you were his favorite victim.

Your teachings were strict; you were taught to walk, talk, speak, and overall behave in specific ways with no space for lenience. You were taught languages, history, and the arts. Your mother had died during your birth and no one in your family had ever quite forgiven you for that, despite it being completely out of your control and your father was absent for long periods of time – busy with the demands of the throne. Shunned and scorned, you spent long years of your childhood alone. Royalty was considered far too superior to mingle with the lower-class children, even you were forbidden from fraternizing with them. It made a lonely existence. However, your high prestige and status meant that you had very little to complain about in terms of needs. It felt _wrong_ to complain when you lived in a palace, lonely or not. You were well-fed with the most luxurious foods and well-dressed with unique custom gowns. Yet unhappiness was long ingrained into your tired, young bones.

The unhappiness had grown into your mid-teen years, stronger than ever until a series of events caused you to break and flee, to never look back, to never return to the place you called home.

You were only fifteen when the subject arose from nowhere: marriage. In your case, _arranged marriage._ It took you a while to fully understand what that meant and the consequences it had for you. It filled you with fright and you were desperate to escape but there was little choice for you. So, you suffered for the next few years. Years filled with social events with royals from other planets, meeting suitor after suitor.

The whole situation was overwhelming. One day, you had simply overheard your father discussing your marriage – deciding on a suitor for you. He had told you that _you_ would have the final say, not him. It had enraged you, filling you with bitterness and panic. It was that very night that you left.

You had packed the bare minimum you needed into a couple of bags, including a healthy number of credits, and rushed to the stables, putting the bags onto the back of your Tybis; a great hairy, hooved beast with a calm temperament. You had galloped at a furious pace past guards and civilians alike, causing a commotion with the flowing silvery-blue fabric of your gown flurrying behind you like water rapids. At last, you reached a small trading post. It was enough. You had paid your way onto the ship of a droid merchant. You remained with the merchant longer than you intended, around 6 months and through him, you had learned the basics of flight; you found it easy and natural, much to your surprise.

The ship had landed on some planet that you didn’t know but it bustled with engineers, technicians, and pilots, working together on their own ships. It was a noisy and filthy place, filled with a constant clattering. The scent of oil and welded metal had been particularly prominent. It was certainly no place for a _princess_ to be, it went against the gender role that you had been assigned since birth – and you loved it. You adored the mess, the labor, and hard work, soon integrating with a group of skilled engineers and pilots who were excited and happy to teach you and take you under their wing as their apprentice – while being paid too. Within two or so years you had become rather talented. Your hands were deft and quick, often making short work of delicate procedures. Furthermore, your flight skills had improved dramatically.

The basics of flight that you had learned under the merchant had turned increasingly more advanced. One of the pilots in your group had laughed and cheered at your success, jesting that you could probably give the famous smuggler Han Solo a run for his money. _The man who flew the Millennium Falcon, the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs._ You had heard the stories of the smuggler many times and they captivated you.

Your time with your group of engineers and pilots had been cut short by a disaster. If it wasn’t for this event, you probably would have never left them. You had been tracked down by guards from J’t’p’tan and bounty hunters alike to drag you home. This only came to your notice when you had noticed a rather shifty group of people eying you up – you only had to catch a glimpse of the bounty puck’s hologram to realize what they were after.

You didn’t even have time to say your goodbyes, or pack anything other than the credits you held on your person before you boarded a ship, hotwired it (of course you knew how to hotwire a ship, your little group _did_ idolize a smuggler after all) and sped off.

The bounty hunters were clearly amateurs, but they sped off after you, nevertheless. You made swift work of them, blasting at them with the ship's weapon systems, tricking them with complex looping movements before eradicating them. But even with them gone, you knew that you couldn’t go back to that planet.

So, you traveled far away, only stopping for small amounts of fuel until you finally stopped on a planet on the Expansion Regions when you realized that the number of credits you owned was severely dwindling. Luckily for you, it was a place flourishing with trade and dealings; it was undoubtedly a wealthy planet. You managed to sell your stolen ship here for a fair price and offered engineering work for a mediocre wage for a few months so you could save up to buy a more functional ship, especially since you were technically on the run. It was a necessity to buy a ship that could roam the expanse of the galaxy quickly and efficiently, with a powerful, lethal offensive and defensive systems. After a few months of solid hard work, you managed to scrape together enough credits to do this. You purchased a late model, repainted V-19 Torrent starfighter; the type that had been installed with an internal hyperdrive rather than having to rely on transport rings. The previously red and white ship had been painted over in a metallic black and silver which gave a rather cold and austere appearance. It was perfect and for a while everything was okay, falling into a consistent routine, you traveled from planet to planet for work. You only had to fight off bounty hunters twice during the period of time.

By this time you had definitely heard of the First Order and the Resistance, with their constant skirmishes. The First Order typically held a lot of influence or complete occupancy of most of the planets you visited. Their goals didn’t really bother you, the whole _bringing order to the galaxy_ talk. You had sworn to never get involved. That didn’t last long.

Working as an engineer had made you borderline invisible, no one seemed to notice your existence as you toiled amongst the scraps and junk. In this position, you managed to overhear many slithers of gossip which kept you updated on the galaxy.

It was a blisteringly hot day; angry beads of sweat beaded on your forehead. Hushed voices had caught your attention and you were naturally curious, so you strained to hear. The voices whispered of an assassination attempt. That wasn’t something you heard every day, but at the same time, it wasn’t completely unheard of. You were very close to simply ignoring their words and going about your day as normal before you heard something. They were planning to complete the assassination through an aerial missile strike very close to where you were. So close that you would likely get caught up in it. You had gaped as one of the people brought up the issue of civilian deaths, in which the other simply replied: “ _necessary collateral damage_.” You could hear the rapid pulsing of your heart in your chest, bubbling with anger and anxiety – threatening to spill over.

Therefore you decided to break the precious rule of never getting involved. You slipped away from your job and made your way to your ship. You had considered just outright leaving, not looking back. But you couldn’t. People were in danger, good people. You knew a good handful just from working, engaging in witty and playful conversation with them – sometimes in different languages depending on their origins. There was no way in Malachor that you were going to simply let them all die.

The events had unfolded spectacularly even when your hands had shaken with harsh surges of adrenaline as you intercepted missiles _just_ in time, a simple occurrence of pure luck. They exploded mid-air in a fury of light and fire – smoke curling over your ship as you flew through the explosion before moving upwards to annihilate the ship that had launched the missiles; a small fighter, smaller than yours and clearly intended for stealthier attacks. In a few seconds ended. 

It was this act that gained the attention of the First Order. As it turns out, you had saved the life of an extremely high-ranking member of the Order. He admired your skills and talents, suggesting that you would do well to join them, deeming your actions as ‘heroic’. He was soon offering you a position as a pilot with a more than agreeable wage and guaranteed accommodation. You had agreed quickly, recognizing that the offer was one of a kind and, in all honesty, you had grown tired of fleeing constantly. It wouldn’t hurt to have some security and support.

You gave consistent lies when they collected your data for filing – explaining that you were born a nobody and simply traveled around working various jobs. It was unlikely that they would ever guess who you were, even if they did see a bounty puck with your image. You had changed drastically over the years since your wild escape. No one would think a princess would have spent the majority of her days covered head to toe in grease, oil, and sweat.

And so, just like that, you joined the First Order. You were given a new name in the form of a serial code: KN-161, and you appreciated the new anonymity that it gave you. Gone were the days of making up names and changing them with astounding frequency.

A soft sigh left your body as you flopped backward onto the bed, letting your back collide with the solid mattress. _Shit._ You really didn’t know what to do, no one knew your past and frankly, you didn’t trust anyone enough to tell them; not even Vex or the rest of your old squad.

There was solid reasoning behind this. You were aware that people were greedy creatures that would do almost anything for their own personal gain – you’d seen it with your bare eyes many times. People were shallow and manipulative. The reward for your return was high, so you couldn’t trust anyone to not take advantage of that, to bring you back to your home planet against your will.

You supposed that was just how life is for you. It had been like this ever since the night you fled but it was all worth it. The worry, fear, and distrust you felt were bearable – it was nothing compared to what could’ve happened if you stayed on J’t’p’tan. And those negative feelings kept you closed off and safe from everyone.

Well, from almost everyone. Kylo Ren was a new, more complex problem. A problem that you didn’t know how to solve. You held no knowledge on the depths he would go to uncover every single aspect of your life and that concerned you.

But the way he made you feel; he made your heart race as you had never known before, he made you stutter like broken down speeder. The way he made you feel in those inappropriate and _indecent_ dreams.

You gulped hard, attempting to swallow a feeling that felt like a pebble in the back of your throat. These feelings were unusual and foreign to you. Part of you liked those feelings, but the other parts loathed the way you liked them. There was a contrast between wanting to just spill everything to him and wanting to push him away, no matter what the cost.

Eventually, you managed to roll over onto your side and fall into a slumber that you certainly couldn’t describe as dreamless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okk that's the end of this one. a bit longer than the norm but it felt right. i don't think i could've condensed it anymore but  
> if you got this far...  
> thank you!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ohhh things happen in this one. Like, actually happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a bit of a short one. sorry. but it is progress in the whole plot section. hurraayyy (about time you fuckin idiot). 
> 
> anyway, i have reason for why this is so late. migranes. so many fucking migranes. anyway, that's over for now. 
> 
> here's a new chapter! :) ty for reading <33

_Fuck._

The blaring of your datapads alarm abruptly awoke you, causing you to sit up straight with your heart pounding. This kind of alarm never suggested anything pleasant. It was the sort that instead, suggested that there was something _very_ wrong.

Your hand shot out to the source of the noise, scrambling with your sleep-numb hands. The bright holographic glow caused you to squint. You attempted to focus on the words. _Red Alert._ Ah, already a bad sign. _Resistance attack._ Even worse. _Calling all units available for defensive assistance._ Oh, that was the cherry on the cake. Something must be incredibly wrong for such large-scale defensive actions and it sent shivers up your spine. There was no time to waste, however.

You gulped down air as you realized that the urgent alarm wasn’t only coming from the datapad, but instead, was echoing through the hallways of the Finalizer. Red, flashing lights were slightly visible through the minuscule cracks in your door. The noise was becoming a little overwhelming at this point.

_What the blazes was the resistance thinking? Attacking such a significant ship was a death sentence to their meager numbers. Why were they doing this?_

Surges of adrenaline coursed through your veins, lighting you on fire as you through yourself into action. You slipped on your uniform, rushing to check through the necessities. Hastily, you put your hair up into something that somewhat resembled some kind of updo. In this kind of emergency, there was little time for meticulous detail.

You ran out the doors, pressing your helmet down onto your head as you sped through the corridors at an impressive sprint towards the hangar. Masses of officers and workers were milling around speedily, shouting to one another over the sirens; it made you wonder what kind of chaos the bridge was in right now. The red lights burnt your eyes as you dodged and weaved through the people, bouncing on the balls of your feet to push you forward.

Just as you had overcome the majority of bustle, an explosive impact rocked the side of the ship, throwing you off your balance and sent you teetering into the hallway walls. Your head slammed against it, and you were immensely thankful that you were wearing your helmet.

A hissed curse left your mouth as you regained your footing and persevered.

The hangars were chaotic as each squadron attempted to group up and engage the enemy. You ignored them all, hurtling past to hangar 12-C, and managed to enter through the doorway without any further accidents.

Both QI-3194 and Baas had already arrived, standing outside their ships, awaiting command. The Supreme Leader hadn’t arrived yet. You paused as you reached your ship, wondering if he was even joining. What if he was caught in something else? Nevertheless, you stationed yourself beside your fighter, leaning in to activate the majority of the controls in preparation.

Your questions about the whereabouts of the Supreme Leader were answered as his helmeted figure slipped through the hangar doors. Even though his face was masked, his presence was thick with fire and fury.

Supreme Leader Ren marched through the hangar, his fists clenched by his sides, moving towards his TIE silencer without a single word. Instead, he made a single beckoning hand gesture without glancing at anyone. On that command, you climbed into your ship, warming the engine to an energetic hum. Without a slither of hesitation, Ren’s ship lifted from its stationary position and hurtled out through the blast doors. You followed immediately after, with the other two members following close behind you. Settling into a four-finger formation, you flew just behind Ren, taking the Flight Wingman position on the far left. In this position, you were taking a more defensive role than you were typically used to. The sight that you were met with shocked you a little.

Laser cannons were firing wildly. Resistance X-Wings were aggressively firing at random areas of the Finalizer, with laser bolts and missiles alike. They were attacking in waves. Their actions didn’t really seem to be seeking damage. What was going on?

You followed the Ren’s movements, sweeping downwards towards the X-Wings. Allowing him to take the offensive action, you watched two explode as he fired ruthlessly at them. Baas was in the second offensive position and annihilated another enemy ship.

There was a surprising number of resistance fighters attending this useless and pointless attack. And the First Order basically had an entire aerial army stationed on the Finalizer.

However, their numbers slowly dispersed when they caught a glimpse of Ren’s silencer hurtling towards them.

 _Retreating already?_ You mentally mocked them, the side of your mouth turning up into a smirk.

In mere moments, the resistance had almost completely retreated – save for a few particularly slow stragglers. You rolled your shoulders, releasing the tension from your shoulders. That was a whole lot of stress and build-up for a whole lot of nothing.

“What a waste of time,” you muttered to yourself, hushed under your breath, “wasn’t really necessary to have all units called in.”

By now, even the majority of TIE fighters were heading back to the hangars. It seemed that Ren had other plans, however. He was speeding towards the stragglers with impressive speed. The superiority of the TIE/vn put a fair distance between you and him. You spared a glance towards Baas and QI’s fighters. It appeared that they were also struggling to keep up with the Supreme Leaders incessant chase. 

Gritting your teeth, you linked to his coms.

“Sir, they really aren’t worth it at this point. The battle is won.” You told him, trying to sound as polite as possible.

You were met with silence. Frustration was taking over now as you spoke a little more firmly, “why are we still in pursuit?! I said that the battle is-”

“Be careful with your words, KN-161,” he responded abruptly, snarling his words, “you aren’t in command here.”

Your mouth twisted into an angry grimace, but nevertheless shut your mouth and followed him. He was now pursuing a single X-Wing that seemed to be giving him a run for his money. It twisted, jolted, and danced away from him, no longer lingering behind slowly. A negative feeling itched at your stomach, turning it inside out.

The X-Wing was hurtling towards a planet, and you suddenly tensed. How far had you traveled from the Finalizer? The bad feeling continued to nibble at you.

The four of you pursued into the planet’s night atmosphere, and by now the bad feeling was becoming increasingly overwhelming. You licked your dry lips from under your helmet and reached for the coms again.

“Sir, I have a _really_ bad feeling about this!” Your voice was tight and a little more high-pitched than usual, your stomach felt like it was being wrenched out of you.

Just as those words left your mouth, your fighter's ion engine began to splutter and die out. _Oh fuck._ Your hands went to reboot the engine but to no avail, everything was dead. Your ship was dark and unresponsive. You could hardly see a thing in the darkness both inside the ship and outside.

Now, you were simply plummeting towards the planet's ground at a high speed, the wings sparking with the intense heat. It was only a matter of time before they would catch on fire and obliterate you in a nasty explosion. This was definitely _not_ the way you wanted to die after all this time, after all your struggles. You let out a pathetic groan as you stared death in the eyes, your hands clenched against the controls, your knuckles white with the tension.

Defeated, you closed your eyes and attempted to lose yourself in calmness. The same calm, peaceful weightlessness that you felt when observing the stars. You let yourself dwindle and fade as you focused on blocking out the inevitability of your demise.

But it was too difficult. Your eyes sprang open. Flames were nearby, on the surface of the planet. A crash. Who was it? The X-Wing? Or worse, the Supreme Leader?

You found it hard to breathe as you came closer and closer. Once more, you closed your eyes tightly, bracing yourself. Bracing yourself for the end.

A small gasp left you. Your body lurched backward in your seat, the back of your head snapping back against the headrest. One eye slowly, cautiously opened. You were mere meters away from the ground, suspended in mid-air. _How?_

That thought was answered instantly. Kylo Ren lay on his back, sprawled slightly, with both of his hands reaching out towards you, shaking with strain.

Suddenly, the grasp he had on your fighter released, causing you to land harshly. That hardly bothered you. He had just saved your stupid life, who cares if you got a few scratches? Allowing a few thoroughly relieved gulps of air, you slid out of the ship. It was thoroughly mangled, blackened with flames. Shit, you had spent so much time on modifying that thing, your pride, and joy. You gave it a sad, almost apologetic look, along with a sorrowful smile.

Sighing, you moved away from it, heading towards the man who’d saved you. Now you were on the ground you could see why he was lying down. Your mouth gaped as you hurried towards him.

“Supreme Leader!” You shouted, moving to kneel beside him.

There were deep scratches on his helmet, a sign that it had protected him well from his violent crash, but that was far from what concerned you. The thing that concerned you most was that one of his legs was completely covered, crushed by the silencers wreck. You could hear his strained breathing through the vocoder, deep and rasping. Unsure of what to do, you reached towards his helmet, feeling for the servomotor hinges to remove it.

His hands grasp your wrists, preventing you from doing anything. The pair of you said nothing, just merely looked at each other. Your tongue darted over your bottom lip nervously.

Slowly, his grip loosened and guided your fingers towards the side of his face. Immediately, you felt the hinges and you released them. You watched as the mouthpiece lifted out and upwards. Kylo Ren shifted, propping himself up with his arms a little so that you could remove it.

You lifted it carefully, even with your slightly trembling hands.

The face you were met with captivated you. Your eyes raked up and down as you held his helmet upon your knees. His face was pale, a contrast to the rich black of his hair. A constellation of marks dotted his face, lips full and lush. The man watched you with a guarded expression. His brows furrowed. You watched him too, peering into his eyes. The flames of the wreckage danced in them, lighting them with flicks of orange and yellow. You looked into the eyes of the man who infiltrated your dreams, your life, and, maybe one day, your secrets.

He had saved you from death, and yet the only thing that you could manage to say was –

“You’re _fucking beautiful._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soo, you made it to the end! hope you didn't mind the rushed af flight scenes and stuff.   
> i just rreeeeallly wanted to get to the crash! 
> 
> ty again for reading, you're the best. yes. you. you are.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mysterious planet.  
> And wounds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cant even give a solid reason why these chapters take me so long to write. like. wow.  
> i think it might be my lack of brain cells.  
> either way, this is a pretty short chapter, but i hope it's good enough. 
> 
> hopefully i will be writing more in september when i quit my hell hole of a job :) 
> 
> thanks for kudos and comments and juST READING <3

The Supreme Leader stared at you with a look of pure bewilderment – both of his dark brows were raised, his guarded expression melting in seconds.

You clasped one of your hands over your mouth at the sudden, horrific realization of what you just said. _Oh, for fucks sake_. It was an inappropriate thing to say to the Supreme Leader and it was an even more inappropriate time. You reeled yourself in, pressing yourself into the shitstorm of the present moment.

The Supreme Leader of the First Order, one of the most powerful people in the entire galaxy, the Jedi Killer, was sprawled in front of you with his leg engulfed by the heavy, crushing remains of his ship. The thought sank in quicker than you expected as you instantly scrambled towards his lower body. You rolled his helmet away from the wreckage without much thought as you plunged yourself into action. Desperately, you reached out to attempt to lift the hulk of metal of his leg despite flames licking over the surface. A foolish move. A pained hiss and a loud curse escaped your mouth. Even though your suit's gloves, the searing burn ripped through your hands. The material melting and burning at the same time, sticking to your palms; skin welding together with fabric.

Blast! You thought that these suits were meant to be better at heat resistance. You were wrong.

You gagged at the chemical, acidic smell of your melting suit mixing with the hot, coppery scent of burning flesh. The scent attacked your senses. You could almost fucking _taste_ it.

“Oh, kriff, fuck, shit…” the list of curse words tumbled off your tongue.

Never had a situation been more crucial in your entire life. There was no denying the fact that your hands were shaking, the entirety of it trembling with the mixture of pain and stress. You didn’t dare lower your gaze to your wounds, seeing them would only make matters worse.

Frankly, you were astonished on Ren’s ability to remain so calm and collected despite the immense amount of pain he was probably in. His face barely showed even the slightest hint of weakness.

You glanced back at him, eyes wide and terrified. He met your look, the message of ‘ _you stupid idiot’_ being conveyed with undeniable clarity.

Ren suddenly lunged forwards, hooking his fingers underneath one of your pauldrons. He hauled you backward, sending you tumbling away from the wreckage with impressive strength. Once you were out of the way, he lifted one of his hands towards the collapsed wreckage on his limb. The metal groaned and shifted a little, vibrating with energy as he used the Force to heave it upwards.

Silently, you watched him as you lay in a crumpled heap, your hands tucked protectively against your chest. A small gasp escaped you as his back crashed against the ground as he removed his supporting arm in favor of using both hands to help manipulate the force.

His jaw was tightly clenched, quaking a little with strain. It took a moment before the metal shifted with a high-pitched groan. His leg was free.

The Supreme Leader pushed himself away from the wreckage with his strong arms until he was beside you. You both lay there, breathing heavily and shakily. Sweat was trailing down your forehead from pure exertion.

Ren turned onto his side, putting the pressure onto his singular good leg so that he was now facing you completely. He reached outwards, mimicking your previous actions by fumbling to remove your helmet. It was a feat he managed in no time, lifting it from your head. A strained grunt thrummed from his body and he hurled the helmet away.

You opened your arms to protest, but he simply fell onto his back once more. A silence passed between the two of you. Right now, it was just you and him, laying in the pitch-black darkness, illuminated only by the dancing orange-red flames of destruction.

“It was ruined anyway. Your helmet, I mean.” The man stated.

You couldn’t help but shrug, your shoulders grating against the dirt ground beneath you. “It’s hardly the most disastrous thing to happen today, sir.” You exhaled loudly, it was probably meant to be defeated laugh, but you were a little too exhausted and injured for the likes of that.

His reply was a _hmm_ of agreement.

Deep breaths were taken as the pair of you gathered your breath and strength. The scalding pain of your palms was slowly ebbing into a placid numbness. As seconds went by, your breathing steadied, your body and hands shook considerably less. The numbness you were feeling, you were unsure of whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. A blessing or a curse. You weren’t going to die here, were you? It seemed like a shitty way to die, and an especially shitty way for the Supreme Leader to die.

“We’re not going to die here,” his voice was full of the conviction you so desperately lacked, “but we do need to move. Now.”

You instantly heard him miraculously push himself up on his feet, supporting the majority of his weight on his good leg and resting the injured one. The dinginess made it difficult to assess his injury from your position, however, you knew that he probably shouldn’t be standing on it.

Nevertheless, you moved awkwardly to stand beside him – shuffling onto your front and using your elbows to push yourself onto your knees, avoiding using your hands. You lacked grace and elegance, but you eventually managed to stand.

“Why now?” You asked with a tilt of your head, figuring that it wouldn’t hurt to prompt a few questions both for the sake of conversation and curiosity.

“Do you think it’s a coincidence that I’m stuck here? I don’t just _crash_. Something messed without ships, corrupted something. That X-Wing was toying with us and _they_ are going to come looking for me.” Ren hissed as he staggered down to pick up his helmet before limping off in a random direction. He placed the mask over his head once more and you felt a pang of loss and disappointment.

“You keep saying ‘ _I’m_ ’ and ‘ _me_ ’ as if you’re the only one stuck in this fucked situation,” you huffed, your frustration coursing through you a little, “and who are ‘ _they_ ’?!”

“I say those things because I don’t think they were anticipating your survival; they’re only looking for me.” His reply was simple, gruff with the voice modulator and shut you up almost instantly. “And, if it wasn’t obvious, ‘ _they_ ’ are the resistance.”

You remained silent, but only for a few moments. “Thanks for saving me, sir. Truly.” You spoke carefully, returning to your more polite, formal speech.

The colossal man made no effort to reply to your appreciation but simply trudged onwards. The motion of his body was unnatural and lumbering as he forced his legs to move forwards.

Time passed as you both walked through the darkness. Ren had unclipped and ignited his fearsome lightsaber, holding it out in front of him, using it as a light source. You stalked silently behind him, cautious and alert due to your restricted vision. Neither of you spoke a word. It was a little uncomfortable at first, but you soon acclimatized to the situation.

You were unsure of the amount of time you’d traveled before you saw the first hints of daylight. The planet’s sun was rising. It had happened so stealthily and subtly that you’d hardly noticed that the environment around you was slowly being revealed. You were aware that you were walking through a forest, however, you didn’t expect it to look like _this_. Even Kylo Ren had extinguished his lightsaber so that he could peer around at his surroundings.

The trees here were colossal, the trunk, and branches a soft silvery tone that was almost reflective. Its flowers were a fantastical purple, flowing down in vines that stopped only a few feet from your head. You looked up at the pure expanse of purple and silver with wonder.

You’d never seen anything like this before. Not even when you visited the palace gardens many years ago.

“Woah.” Your voice was hardly a whisper, but it echoed amongst the trees. You looked up towards Ren, observing his reaction.

His masked head was scanning the surroundings with curiosity, still not uttering a word.

“Sir, we’ve been on the move for ages, shouldn’t we rest somewhere for a while?” You negotiated, finally realizing how exhausted you truly were.

Ren paused, considering your words before speaking. “Fine.” He hummed, it was clear that he wasn’t too keen on your idea, nevertheless, he agreed. Grateful, you gave a large sigh of relief as you moved towards one of the trees' enormous trunks. With your back pressed against the silvery bark, you slid down until you sat at the base.

He joined you in mere moments, leaving a reasonable amount of space between the both of you. It took some time for you to pluck up the courage to look at your wounded hands. The flesh was red and raw, parts of your palm had blistered. You attempted to peel your gloves off, but the material had fused securely to your blistering skin. The lightest tug caused the pain to flare up again.

“Ow, fuck,” you muttered under your breath as you continued to toy with the fabric, seemingly determined to rip it off.

“Stop.”

You jumped at the sudden sound of his voice, looking over at him, still picking at the material.

“Just. Stop.” Ren spoke firmly.

With a sigh, you released the fabric and placed your hands on your legs with the palms facing upwards. You let the back of your head bump and then rest against the tree bark as you peered upwards towards the purple, whimsical flowers. For a few moments, you remained like that.

These series of events were the furthest thing from what you expected. Sitting in a forest, on an unknown planet, with Kylo Ren – Supreme Leader of the First Order. It, to put it bluntly, was completely bizarre.

You glanced towards Ren, slowly leaning forwards to inspect his leg. It the time you had to rest, he had removed his boot and rolled up his trouser leg until it bunched tight around his upper thigh.

The sight made you feel a little queasy. His leg was swollen from the knee down - it was just as raw and scorched as your hands, littered with gashes and blisters. How did he manage to walk on _that?_

“I’ve had worse,” he commented in response to your thoughts as he shifted to pull the material back over his leg to hide it from your sight, “and you’re being loud again.”

“Huh, well I don’t think I can help it,” you returned. The whole mind-reading thing didn’t bother you much, in fact, it was potentially a useful form of communication. You allowed the current situation to hit you more, “do you think the others survived?” you asked quietly.

Ren gave a slight shrug. The motion gave the impression that he both didn’t know and didn’t care. A frown tugged at your mouth. Slowly, you peeled your eyes away from him again, resting them on the purple flowering vines once more.

“Why do you want to know about me?” At this point, you figured the question wouldn’t hurt. If he was wanting to dig through you and your past, you wanted to at least know why.

You thought that he was just going to ignore you, but to your surprise, he responded.

“Something about you, it’s-” he uttered, unsure of how to explain properly, “you’re just unusual.”

“Hah, thanks for the compliment.” You scoffed, but highly amused. A sigh left your lungs as you continued to look upwards. “Why not just, y’ know, drag it out of me with your voodoo magic?” despite your humorous tone, you were deadly serious, “I’ve heard all about it, the things you can pull out of people…”

“I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Ren’s reply caught you off guard. You swiveled your head to look him, staring into the visor of his helmet.

You were desperate to ask why however you thought it was better to not push your luck with asking so many questions. So, instead, you gave a small smile at him and close your eyes to doze off in the new morning light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
> thanks for reading <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chat and a scuffle!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took... way longer than expected.  
> do i have an excuse?? no not really, sorry!! :))))

There was an uncomfortable silence as you and Ren walked through the wilderness and neither of you could find a suitable time, or reason to break it. Both of your burnt hands hung limply at your sides, swaying slightly to catch the relief of cooler air. Your mouth twisted as you repressed an exasperated sigh. The Supreme Leader of the First Order was not much of a talker outside of confusing and frequently sexually fueled remarks. Either way, it was clear that _he_ wasn’t going to be starting a conversation.

You decided to give in and bite the bullet.

“Where are we even going?” To be honest, you didn’t even try to veil the whininess in your voice. He hadn’t revealed a single shred of information on his game plan. Well, you assumed he had a plan.

“We need to find a water source,” he uttered, the deep thrum of the voice modulator sending vibrations up your spine, “unless you want to dehydrate and die here?”

Ah, what a dick. What happened to Mr. _‘I wouldn’t do that to you’_? You huffed indignantly, turning your head away from him in a weak attempt of protest. It was beyond obvious that you weren’t seeking death on this beautiful, yet foreign planet and you were sure he was aware. He always complained about hearing your thoughts after all. That _you_ were loud. Were other people not like that too?

Minutes flew past as you thought. The purple blossoms that hung from the trees seemed even brighter than earlier, with each individual petal glittering with the early morning sheen of dew. You noted that down mentally. Dew on plantation often meant a change in temperature during night and day, humid air condensing. If Ren noticed, he didn’t say anything. You weren’t even sure if he would care about such trivialities of a planet’s climate, the man acted as if he were invincible and if you hadn’t seen his mangled leg then you would’ve been inclined to agree. Even so, he was still traveling on it as if it were nothing but an inconvenience. A flesh wound.

It was much more than that. By no means were you a doctor but common sense suggested that it was completely fucked up. If it hurt as your hands did then you weren’t sure how he was managing. The consistent dull throb coursed through your palms to the ends of your fingers. Part of you wished that you still had your helmet so you could conceal the concern written on your face. You strained a cough, pushing the unfamiliar emotion aside.

“This planet's temperature is likely going to increase rapidly once we hit midday, sir,” you spoke carefully, “it might be best if we… move a little faster to find water.”

He turned to look at you, the visor of his mask facing you. It pointed to gaze at his injured leg, and then returned to you, tilting slightly. Immediately, you felt your face heat up as you realized what a stupid thing you just suggested. You’d been so concerned for his wound mere seconds before, but carelessly overlooked it moments after. A faster speed was going to be an issue.

“Sorry.” You looked away as you apologized to him, diverting your gaze to the barely visible horizon hidden within thick clusters of trees. Somehow, in the few days that Ren had acknowledged your existence, he’d managed to make you feel a range of emotions; especially ones you tended to repress.

Guilt, concern, and yearning. It was irritating that you were so self-aware of the change he’d installed in you.

Kylo Ren shrugged heavily, his huge shoulders moving fluently. Both of you fell silent again as the walk continued. Surely enough, you felt the temperature rise; the air becoming heavy, thick, and moist. The throb in your hands increased tenfold as they become swollen with heat. You couldn’t tell how long you’d both been traveling but things were evidently becoming direr.

“Do you feel that?”

His voice was so sudden that it made you jump slightly. Another one of those reappearing emotions; jitteriness, anxiety, doubt.

“Feel what, sir? How am I suppose-?” You began before he cut you off sharply.

“Close your eyes. Reach out with your mind. Feel everything that surrounds you.”

You gave him a curious and skeptical look, raising a brow at him with a small frown on your face yet you complied anyway. “I’m not sure what you’re expecting from me but try not to be too disappointed.” You huffed, closing your eyes firmly and took in the sounds around you.

Reaching out with your mind was difficult when you had no idea what that actually meant. You focused on the sounds around you, imagining tendrils stemming from your chest expanding outwards to brush up against everything surrounding you. Birds were making shrill calls in the distance, the energy from the sun above seeped into your skin through the vegetation, and even further away you heard a distant rushing noise. The noise sent rippling vibrations up your spine and so you extended your imagined tendrils further towards the source.

You took in a sharp breath as you came to a realization. A river. By now you could almost feel the cool liquid washing over your hands, over your arms, encasing you entirely. You let out the breath. It was shaky, unnerved but full of newly born excitement. The feeling was _incredible._

“I feel it, we’re close.” Your voice was softer than usual, your eyes still screwed tightly shut. You weren’t ready to let go of the rush of this new ability just yet.

“Good. Now,” Ren spoke slowly as you heard him walk in front of you, “can you feel this?”

There was a static, crackling humming noise before you sensed _something traveling_ towards your body at an incredibly high speed. You let your instincts guide you. You sprang backward and twisted your torso backward, opening your eyes just in time to watch the blistering red plasma blade swing closely past your face in a sweeping horizontal movement. The heat of the blade skimmed your skin. Your legs stumbled in shock and exhilaration until you fell backward, landing heavily rear first on the earthy ground.

You stared up at Ren in complete shock and disbelief, grimacing at the impact of your fall.

He met your gaze, or you assumed he did. His head was tilted down towards you, silent and imposing as he extinguished his notorious lightsaber as quickly as he’d lit it.

Your mind struggled to process the past few seconds, your heart beating violently in your chest. You opened your mouth to speak yet found yourself unable to muster words, so you closed it once more. This time the loth-cat had taken your tongue.

At last, you managed to croak out a weak, “what?”

It was a pathetic attempt at the many questions that clogged your mind, but at least you were talking. Part of you wanted to scream at him with blazing fury but you swallowed the feeling down; you didn’t really want to test the man in front of you right now. Not after he just blatantly attacked you.

Harming you clearly wasn’t his goal, otherwise, you would undoubtedly be dead right now, severed in half. So, what was this? _A test_?

“Yes,” Ren said plainly, “it _was_ a test.”

In your thoughts, your eyes had slipped and unfocused, but quickly readjusted on his masked face once more at the sound of his voice.

“I- I don’t quite understand. A test for what though?” In other words: why the fuck did you try to kill me?

“Not long ago, I told you that I’d been watching you. I first began to notice you when I felt a small, almost insignificant disturbance in the Force – it took a long time to narrow it down to _you._ These disturbances,” he inhaled quietly, looking away from you slightly, “I always felt them during your flights.”

“Hm, how could you be so sure that it was me? Couldn’t it have been one of my squad members?” You replied quickly, not too keen on his insinuation towards Force sensitivity. Your education in your planet’s history assured you that the Force only brought devastation.

“I just had a feeling. That feeling was confirmed by your interaction in the observatory; you vanished completely – not a single thing suggested your presence, I couldn’t feel you through the Force. You did the same thing during the crash, hm, it made it difficult to locate you. I almost-”

You remained quiet for a while as it felt like he wanted to say something else, yet he never did. Struggling, you managed to push yourself onto your feet again without using your hands too much, it was ungraceful but risking the chance of infection wasn’t an option when you were marooned on a mysterious planet. No matter how beautiful it seemed.

“So, what does this mean for me? Force sensitivity?” a small, forced laugh escaped you, “I’m not interested in all that, it just caused more problems, I spent years learning-”

Mid-sentence, you caught yourself, clamping your mouth shut before you could say anything else. Letting your history slip could be a potentially fatal mistake. 

“And your thoughts,” he continued as if he hadn’t heard you, seemingly regaining his momentum, “are extraordinarily loud, I’ve never had such _interference_ before.”

“Didn’t you hear me? Can’t we just ignore it? It’ll make too much of a mess, cause too many issues!” you snapped, getting a little frustrated. Your fingers coiled slightly, and your shoulders squared. An attempt to act tough, to pretend as if you had some sort of control or power over the situation. Which you didn’t.

Kylo Ren looked at you with his head tilted to the right ever so slightly. It unnerved you that you couldn’t tell what his expression was under the mask. Was it fury? Curiosity?

“The Force will set you free.” He spoke determinedly, his voice low and hoarse. His fists were tightly clenched by his side, with his saber now safely attached to his belt once more. The black leather of his gloved pulled taught, you imagined his knuckles were white.

You stepped back a little, putting some distance between you and him. The words he said were familiar to you, so you paused and looked away while you thought, brows knitted tightly, and lips pursed.

“Sith teachings. It’s their code,” he answered for you, “although I do wonder why such a thing would be so familiar to the likes of _you_.”

“M-maybe I was mistaken.” You answered a little too quickly. Dammit.

“Hm, where’ve you been learning such things?” Ren moved, a little clumsily from his injury, as he made his way to close the distance between both of you.

Your body stiffened instinctively, turning your head away from him to concentrate on some very, very interesting trees. Ah yes, how lovely, what lovely leaves… very nice…

Ren didn’t buy your act, instead, he moved even closer, leaning downwards towards you – impossibly close. You could feel your breath hitch ever slightly, a rush of adrenaline poured its way through your veins. By now he was probably looking directly into your eyes, but you couldn’t look at his face. Instead, you stared past him still, determined not to crumble under his gaze.

Something in the distance saved you from his scrutiny. A gentle rustle from somewhere you couldn’t locate. Ren could though. His head snapped to the left, focusing on something with an air of heavy intensity. And then-

Ren grabbed you by your upper arm and thrust you behind a random tree as he simultaneously ignited his saber, moving it in an impossibly quick wave. You peered from behind the tree trunk and you realized.

An attack. Ren did say that the Resistance was going to coming, but you hadn’t anticipated their stealth. You’d almost completely forgotten about their impending presence and now the moment had come. For the second time, Ren had saved you. _Fuck._ You couldn’t help but feel useless, you had to do something.

Your shaking, burnt raw hands reached to your holster, pulling out your blaster. Upon contact, the pain seared through your palms and fingers, causing you to hiss in agony. Your teeth clamped down on your tongue. The harsh, metallic taste of blood flooded your mouth, but it was easy to ignore.

Despite everything, your hands steadied as you calmed yourself. Inhaling and exhaling in even deep breaths. Anything to keep you grounded. You reached out with your mind, as you had done previously, extending those tendrils outwards towards your aggressors. A shiver raced up your spine as you located them individually; _one, two, three… four._ An unusually small group for the grand task of killing or capturing the Supreme Leader. You fired.

You hit your first target, a clean shot. The second did too. Both fatal. On the third shot, your concentration wavered a little. The blaster bolt skimmed past your target. The remaining two now attacked with renewed aggression, blasting wilding in your direction.

Ren’s energy was palpable – full of fury and rage as he stalked forwards to finish the last two fighters.

He made quick work of it, you had to admit; almost dropping your blaster as you heard pained screams mixed with the wild, feral crackling of his lightsaber.

A few moments later and the silence had once more returned. You put your blaster in your holster again.

This section of the scenic forest had now been marred with blaster burns and the charred remains of everything that dared to stand in Kylo Ren’s way.

You hadn’t realized you’d been staring so long until you felt his large hand land on your shoulder.

“We need to get moving again. Towards the water.”

 _Of course_. You nodded in agreement and followed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading once again! <3


End file.
